學懂

Sheryl Sandberg 在面書上張貼了自己一篇感性和理性兼具的文章，仔細剖析失去丈夫的傷痛；十年的婚姻，一個義無反顧支持自己和認同自己去追求成功事業的男人，誰都知道Life will show you no mercy，但考驗我們的往往是那些突然降落的災難，那些來不及準備就要失去的悲傷，而其實在人生最低最低的谷底，我們才能真正看清楚自己是一個什麼人。Sheryl Sandberg是個勇敢的人，她在自己的悲傷中尋找了意義，重新思考和定義痛苦帶給自己的是什麼。

節錄其中一段：I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well.

But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.

And this is why I am writing: to mark the end of sheloshim and to give back some of what others have given to me. While the experience of grief is profoundly personal, the bravery of those who have shared their own experiences has helped pull me through. Some who opened their hearts were my closest friends. Others were total strangers who have shared wisdom and advice publicly. So I am sharing what I have learned in the hope that it helps someone else. In the hope that there can be some meaning from this tragedy.

I have lived thirty years in these thirty days. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.

讀到以上這段心有感觸。理解到我們總有一套方式去收拾自己的悲傷難過，還有散落一地彷如碎片的自己。每個人都有不可觸及的地雷，來到30歲的關卡最值得驕傲的是自己學懂面對那些失落、失敗以及轉換意念。

何時何地，面對再大的失落和痛苦，我都相信最痛的還未來到，最痛的也未必是最壞的。也曾經以為自己懂得如何安慰，但最近才明白那是過於自以為是，無他的，也只是重新認識到自己有過的盲點。學會淡然處之，也許，時間是我們最好的老師。

活了快30年，其實我們沒學懂如何面對失去，也沒學懂如何安慰；我們只是因為不懂，所以被很多情緒困住，無法掙脫那樣的狀況（至少不是一時半刻就可以做到）以致把身邊的好意、惡意都推開。我骨子里有很深很深的小心翼翼，很難根除；常常在我的一些言行裡面可以看出來，但我不想突然就要強迫自己成為“脫胎換骨”的那個人，銳變是一個漫長和痛苦的過程，我常常鼓勵自己要有耐心，相信每一個痛苦都有到來的原因都有離去的時候。

我會好好記住自己的盲點，以及每一個情緒流轉之後所做的功課；今後，請容許我學懂更明白他人，說更少的話，看更多值得讓自己和他人快樂的事。